lilmomma86 asked:
My daugher was gassy one day or fussy just because.. Its not fair for me to have to listen to how, “oh she dont do that when shes here” or “she was good for us” .. it gets on my nerves. Do they realize they’re doing it. orare they trying to make me feel bad? Please help.
My daugher was gassy one day or fussy just because.. Its not fair for me to have to listen to how, “oh she dont do that when shes here” or “she was good for us” .. it gets on my nerves. Do they realize they’re doing it. orare they trying to make me feel bad? Please help.
Shes only 3 months old, so its not like she understands.
its not my parents. its my inlaws. i dont live with them.
Theresa
{ 16 comments }
becuz they raised kids before… like u
They’re not trying to make you feel bad directly, they just want to help. I know how frustrating it is, believe me. Some things you should probably take their advice on, and some things you have to learn what to do yourself, if you find the right balance between those it will get better.
No, they’re not trying to make you feel bad. Frankly, it’s not about you at all. It’s about the baby or maybe about them.
They think they’re better than you because they have proof. You are still alive and together enough to have produced a baby. Besides, you probably ask for advice or sympathy from time to time. Otherwise, how did they know she was gassy? (If you live with them for financial reasons, this is the rent you pay.)
To get them to stop–if you visit and don’t live there, ask about how their parents or in-laws were about their parenting style. They should be able to see the connection. When my mother said that her parents never made any comments when she raised us differently than they’d raised her, I just raised my eyebrows and said, “Oh.” Worked great.
they have experience, far more than you. Take their advice , but gel it with what works best for you. They are trying to be helpful, At least they are taking part of thier lifes.
It may be something they are unaware of or they may be doing it to make you feel bad. My suggestion is to cut them off. If you tell them something and they say, or well she didn’t do that when she was here just say oh isn’t that interesting and change the subject. Of course saying she was so good for us could be there way of saying how much they love keeping her. Also, grandparents let the grand kids get away with a lot more. I have sat there and watch my Mom just let something roll off her back that I would have gotten a whipping for
We have *experience*. You could at least *listen*!
My mother in her “infinite” wisdom just told me that I need to be “more proactive” with my son who is 17 months so that it will be easier when the baby comes (I’m 5 months pregnant).
And she is ALWAYS telling me that my son is “hard to handle” etc. Oh and she has a room at her place for him because when I have other kids I will be glad to get rid of him from time to time because of his behaviour.
Ok sure my son never, ever sits still and even other parents find his level of energy insane. And sure given half a chance he will take anything apart into more pieces than I knew it had (humidifier, highchar -aren’t those childproof?, etc). And yes he is 17 months old and can get out of his crib, out of his playpen, and open doors (and escaped out of my friends front door *sigh*).
But none of these behaviours are “bad” and what really gets me is that she is telling me to be stricter (holding hands was an example) when she never ONCE in my entire life followed through with a threat!
And then she goes on to admit that my son takes gentle guidance better than outright “no”.
Ugh and don’t even get me started about my IN LAWS!
Umm anyway I guess I don’t have an answer to your question. I honestly doubt they are doing it to make you feel bad, but then again *some* in-laws. If you can let it go and not let it bother you that would probably be best; save the fight for when it is something actually worth getting upset over…. otherwise get hubby to talk to his parents about it.
Good luck!
It is always easy to judge from the outside… it isn’t just grandparents. Don’t listen to the “she doesn’t do that when she’s with us” crap… if they give you useful advice, take it.. if they are just criticizing you (even if by accident ignore them or ask them for further explanation).
Girl, I know what you mean. My monster inlaw did the exact same thing. I just ignored mine when she’d say stuff like that. I guess they just believe that they know more, which could be true, but the way they go about it is very insulting.
Hang in there!
They are just being ignorant, ignore it. It’s probably their way of saying “we have a really great grandchild, she’s perfect for us!” and bragging. They do not remember how hard motherhood and fatherhood was and do not realize you are taking offense. Just take it as they are bragging on her and let it go.
You have to stop it before its too late grandparents dont dicipline and by the time you try to dicipline theres gonna be a problem so tell your in-laws you know how to raise your own.
My Mum does that to me ALL the time. She acts like I’m accusing her without saying a word. I just want to tell her to stop. It drives me crazy. I think it’s kinda funny how my 9 yr old can spend 3 weeks with my Mum and she comes home with no manners and mouthy. Go figure.
they think experience= better.
Also, as the times change so do family values and parenting styles. Your inlaws may think you are doing something wrong. because your 2000’s style is different fro their 60’s or 70’s style.
Someone can have more experience than you while having a completely different approach that you don’t agree with (case in point, my mother in law). I’ve learned it’s best to just ignore as much negative commentary as you can. As a mother, you have to have a thick skin. It won’t do your child any good if you’re upset. So, it’s best to just smile politely and let what you don’t like roll off your back. Save your defenses for the big stuff, like when your mother in law won’t put on her seat belt in the car with the babies (like mine).
Several reasons, but keep in mind that children act differently with different people. Also, grandparents are less fussy about what a baby does and apt not to notice things that a new parent would.
The grandparents always think they know everything. But she is your baby and you will do what comes naturally to you. Yes I have this on both sides of my family. Granted I do take there advise at times, because they have raised children. I don’t think they are trying to make you feel bad, they just don’t think before speaking.
Comments on this entry are closed.