Comments on: When raising young kids, when do you let it go or confront an issue?

By: chiefs fan

chiefs fan — Sat, 10 Feb 2007 07:28:40 +0000

Pick your battles, just try your best not to punish ure child for something u are doing yourself, like if u punish them for yelling in the house, then you can’t yell in the house, if you yell at the for complaining then u can’t complain little kids follow examples they are around, bad or good.

By: Colleen O

Colleen O — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 22:35:38 +0000

Ask yourself, “is this going to matter in 10 years?” or “what do I want my kids to remember when they are grown?” Do you want them to remember mom harping on cleaning all the time or do you want them to remember mom participating in having fun with them? Messy bedrooms? That’s why they have doors, shut them. Kids do things in their own time and while their bedroom might be too messy for us, it takes awhile before it becomes too messy for them, but it does and eventually they’ll surprise you.
When it comes to what they wear, look back at some of your old photos, then tell me that YOU would dress like that today. Every generation has their “special look” as long as what they wear complies with school policy don’t fuss. Afterall what good does standing at your front door arguing over clothing when the bus drives past your house without your kid? Pick your battles.

By: Trish

Trish — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 10:46:25 +0000

I never ignore my child or what she’s doing. If I want her to behave differently I let her know that; if she ignores me she looses something she loves like tv time or outdoor time. You cannot just “leave it alone” with young children, you must gently and fairly train them in how you want them to act. It’s your job.

By: amymrgrt

amymrgrt — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 14:56:30 +0000

like with #1, it depends on the battle. you CAN confront them all but that would take so much time, and i’m sure that you’d rather be doing something fun with them instead of disciplining them all day….

By: VirtueOfIntolerance

VirtueOfIntolerance — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 23:44:51 +0000

I have 3 girls (ages 2,4,6) and I think I’m the one that tends to be too lenient. I have this fear of over disciplining them and causing them to resent me. I think the best thing is somewhere in the middle. If the offense was a wilfull dissobedience, there should be discipline. If it’s just stuff kids do, like get dirty playing in mud or water or something like that… geez, I say let them be kids. I was a kid too, and I’m glad my parents let us play. Some parents I know are so strict that they don’t allow their kids to have any fun.
I think it comes down to asking yourself the question: “Will this behavior impact my child in the future?” If the answer is no, then you better cut them some slack.

By: singlemom_of_kaylee_devin

singlemom_of_kaylee_devin — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 09:11:14 +0000

Both of my kids have special needs so it may be a little different. One of the battles I don’t go near is clothes. Both of mine pick out what they wear unless it is extreme. I don’t fight about shoes (they wear them, but they pick them out), and I don’t force jackets. They do have to bring their jackets on cold days, but can choose to put them on.

If you’re talking about the 2 of them fighting, I only let it go so far, and only once per day. If my daughter does something to my son and leaves a mark, or did something that could seriously hurt him, they can’t play together for the rest of the day…It’s a lot quieter when that happens. Same with my son. Sometimes they hurt one another because they don’t know how to tell the other to go away, so they fight knowing I’ll step in.

I do not expect perfection, or anywhere near it when we go out. They both have picture schedules to remind them of their chores. And sometimes, yes, the house looks like a tornado ripped through it.

My daughter doesn’t get in trouble at home for something that happened at school or on the bus. Their punishments are only time outs in a sensory safe corner (with bean bags, pillows, and a blanket).

Just take one day at a time, and before you dicipline, make sure it’s an important issue. One pushes the other down the stairs, no you don’t ignore. Someone runs into the street, dicipline. I think I save the fighting for safety issues.

By: eve

eve — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 15:00:14 +0000

There’s certainly no cut and dry answer to that! I think parents are constantly revising their opinion on that based on what happened the last time they ignored or confronted the situation. So much of it depends on you and your particular kids and the specific situation and the timing of it all, and for me, the mood I happen to be in. There’s no question that it is a good idea to “pick your battles” for at least two reasons. One is that I find that I would constantly be disciplining my kids if I didn’t limit it somewhat and the other is that kids really tune out when you battle constantly with them. It’s important to be able to figure out what’s important. When kids are really young, I think ignoring unwanted behaviors is a great way to extinguish the behavior because kids want attention so much more than they want anything else. Like if the child is whining and you completely ignore the child, the whining really will go away quickly. It is hard to ignore a whining child though!! But I don’t think this can be applied to a child who doesn’t listen or doesn’t do their homework, for example. I think your question is one that won’t have a satisfying answer and it’s one you need to work on for yourself and come to your own conclusions and end up revising those conclusions regularly anyway. Sorry and good luck! We’re all in this together!!

By: DONNA MIA

DONNA MIA — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 07:31:34 +0000

It isn’t very often that I ignore anything where my kids are concerned. I have an 11, 7, 6 and 3 year old. They are pretty good kids. If they argue and I am not in the room, I call them in to me and they stand in front of me and I tell them both to say sorry to each other, I then tell them if they continue to argue, next time they will be punished which means sitting in their room on their bed for a bit to cool down or they have to go to bed early that night (that is an excellent punishment). I don’t make a big deal out of it I just deal with quickly. I think if you leave it alone then they will do it more because they know they can. I don’t get irate with them over it as I believe kids enjoy seeing us parents get angry. I try and handle everything in a normal voice and calmly. Sometimes when I do lose my cool (as we are all human), it is never as effective as being calm and cool about things. Never, never let your kids see you lose your cool. That’s the answer. Always be calm.

By: justme

justme — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 11:31:57 +0000

It depends upon who “owns” the problem. If they are fighting over a toy let them work it out. If they are jumping on your furniture it is you who will be affected by a broken couch. You do have to pick the battles though. An extra 1/2 hour of play time isn’t as important as not playing in the street.

By: blueviolet

blueviolet — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 11:23:37 +0000

I address it only if it’s hurting someone. Otherwise, they learn how to be by my example and by the people we choose to have around us. A large part of that is that we behave respectfully toward the kids, and don’t have them around people who don’t behave respectfully.