eternal_enquirer asked:
I’m curious to know how some of you parents out there feel about raising your children, especially raising older children, pre-teens, teens.
I’m curious to know how some of you parents out there feel about raising your children, especially raising older children, pre-teens, teens.
Do you feel that it is better to be open with your kids, such as drinking – “I know you may decide to try it, and if you do I want you to feel comfortable with calling me to come and pick you up rather than getting into a car with someone that has been drinking and wants to drive.” or would you say that it’s better to try to put the fear of god into them by never even letting them think that it’s ok to try it and then just pray that the fear is enough to keep them from doing it?
What are your thoughts????
Suzanne
{ 11 comments }
Try something in between those two.
I always thought kids need both.
They need the freedom to make their own mistakes and live a bit, but you need a regulatory approach sometimes to keep them within certain boundaries.
Yes people should have an open and honest approach in raising kids. My dad said the same thing that if I party and get drunk I can call him and he’d give me a ride home and I won’t be in trouble. He’d rather get a call like that from me then have the cops calling him saying “we need you to identify your daughter, she died in a drunk driving accident”. I’ll be like that with my kids too. Like, if my kids get pregnant or get someone pregnant I’ll tell them I won’t get mad if they tell me, so they won’t go get an abortion or commit ******* or anything like that.
my parents were sort of in the middle i guess…
I think that if you start when the kids are young and age-appropriately explain to them about drinking (what is responsible drinking, why the drinking age is 21, why it is illegal to drink and drive and what can happen when one drinks too much at one time – THEY CAN ACTUALLY DIE), continue to have open and honest conversations regarding it as they get older, show them by example and teach them that they do not need to compromise who they are to “fit in” can help you and your children. Even if your children are already teenagers, you can still apply these ideas.
I think the “I know you may decide to try it, and if you do, I want you to feel comfortable with calling me to come and pick you up rather than getting into a car with someone that has been drinking and wants to drive” statement gives permission for drinking. Instead, why not just say to your child, “If you need to call me, for any reason at all, call and I will pick you up.” You can sort out the consequences the next morning. Fear alone will not deter all children and you cannot guarantee that even by doing everything “right” your child will not be persuaded by his/her peers.
I think that keeping the communication lines open will help improve your relationship with your child and he/she may respect you and his/herself more.
I think you should tell them the consequences to drinking. The problem today is parents wanting to be their child’s friend, your child has enough friends, they need an adult figure in their life. Prayer works and God is good. Be honest with your child and put your foot down and they will thank you in the long run. We can’t control our children, but we can be an example in their life. You have to go back to when you were a child and remember all the good and bad things you did.
We all have to answer to someone, even as adults. So it is only fair that our children answer to someone and that someone is us.
MUCH research has shown that the style that yields the most successful kids is a democratic style where you listen to what they have to say, but understand that YOU are the parent and what you say is final. It is taking what they say into account and if they are right, giving a little–flexibile but in control. Being more like a guide than a dictator, but not so permissive that you let them do whatever they want without having to suffer the consequences.
Always be honest. Explain the dangers and the alternatives. It does not have to be either or.
My parents always told me and my sisters, That if we ever feel uncomfortable somewhere or do decide to drink that they would much rather us call them and have them pick us up rather than get into a car with someone who is drunk. They always told us they would be upset with us and disappointed if it came to that but would be much more upset and furious if we got into a car with a drunk driver.
Well.. I turned 18 this year.. and i was thinking about how my parents raised me… they were more of the ‘iron fist’ type… Honestly.. I think it was what helped cause most of the drama / bad things in high school, middle school, etc… I still wish i could go up and talk to my parents about anything, but i cant. and it’s caused our relationship to suffer… People should be honest and open with their kids and especially teens, and always listen to what they say, REALLY hear them out….but they shouldn’t let their kids trample all over them because they’re still the parents, and it’s their job to protect their children…
Honestly, my kids are only 5,6, 11 and 12 and I’ve always taken the open and honest approach with them. Unless it’s a question or subject that is not age appropriate I try to let them know they can talk to me about anything, anytime. I realize the peer pressure out there and yes they may be strong and not give in but I also realize that it’s hard not to give in. I **** for them to get drunk and then have a friend bring them home and chance an accident. I’d rather get them and then talk about it. Hope this helps!
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